Sunday, February 24, 2002
Oh, and I completely forgot to mention Friday. Two weird occurances made my day really strange.

1. My alarm, set at 7:04 a.m., woke me up by playing "Angie" by the Stones. What are the odds?
2. My lifelong dream is to be able to drive the Weinermobile for a day or two. So, what do I pas on the interstate on the way to work? Nothing but "Big Bun" him(her?)self. Yes, I honked and waved.

Seriously. These coincidences don't usually happen within an hour and a half of each other. Granted, it is me we're talking about. My life is an after-school special about sportsex and poop jokes.


So, maybe the Blue Shoe should be a red shoe...

I met another boy last night. He gave me hickeys. (Can I mention how completely trashy that is? Hickeys are so Jr. High.)

He is actually a very nice guy. He's "squishy", which is odd for my tastes. Most guys I end up naked with are really fit and all muscle. He's pretty smart, quite funny, sarcastic as all hell, and a good time. Maybe this time this one will call. If not, no worries. Apparantly I'm on a monthly rotation schedule with men anyway.

Last night, Leo's Invention was incredible (as usual). Also, Stone Jerome were there and a band from Reno called 10Ton. I bought their CD - they are that good. A good blend between Sublime and 311... do see them if you get the chance.


Someone searched for "i put a diaper on a girl in front of school friends" and got here.



Friday, February 22, 2002
Go see Leos Invention. They kick serious amounts of ass.

They have a new guitarist too.


I was in Target the other day and decided to sit in the patio furniture display and call my grandmother. She is such a wonderful woman, and I love talking to her and my grandfather, and miss them both terribly... but I'm afraid I have this horrible, terrible fear. I have learned that I am afraid of death. Now don't go getting all religious on me, or telling me that if I had FAITH I wouldn't be scared. In my book, you can believe what you want, but none for me, thanks. I think that is why I haven't done some things in my life: scary adrenaline things... Yes, as having never broken a bone, I am a bit afraid to get hurt (the thought of a broken limb gives me the willies), but the thought of DYING scares the shit out of me. I mean... DYING. It makes it really hard to talk to my grandparents in their slowly failing health. I know, that's selfish... but it's really hard for me to deal with. God, and I love them both so much. They are two of the most wonderful people you will ever meet. When my other grandmother was in the nursing home, I couldn't go see her very often. It's not that I didn't love her or miss her or want to see her... it's just really hard for me to accept that we all die. I mean, here we are - loving, living, relating... and at some point, every person that we have ever touched will die. It's not all for naught, I know. The people I surround myself with are worth it. However... it's just really hard to wrap my brain around it. I wish I weren't like this. I wish I weren't so scared. I wish I had told my grandmother that I loved her one last time.


Thursday, February 21, 2002
Finally I feel well enough to catch back up with the diaries. Actually it's been a nice break to not have to be so aware of my life, and just sort of stumble through it in my medicated haze. I got the blood work results back. Nothing wrong with me *thank GOD*. Yes. I knew deep down that I was fine, but you can freak yourself out if you think about it too much.

Ok, ok. I'm not really sick. I'm just addicted to the second season of Making the Band. There is something about a b-class boy band that makes me giggle.

Also, I'm looking to buy a CD-RW drive. I don't need big speed on it, just the smallest bruise to the wallet that is possible for anything of quality... any ideas?


Saturday, February 16, 2002
Today, I went under the needle.

I went to work, as usual, with the minor exception that I'm sick as a dog's ass. While there, I decided [read: was verbally badgered and guilted] to go see a doctor. You see, I may be sick now, but I was sick yesterday and the day before.... It is one constant state of Sick. Yesyes, I know.. my eating patterns are erratic and my sleep is half of what it takes a normal person to function... but that can't be ALL it. My body functions best at about 6 hours sleep a night. As long as I get at least 5, I'm fine. Any more than that and my body does this crazy "I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-what-I'm-about-to-do" routine. As for the eating, since my dad is here for the winter, he cooks decent meals. I actually can cook, and like to cook, but with my grueling schedule, some days I have no energy left to complete a thought, let alone use sharp pointy things and FIRE. Good lord no. I'm clumsy enough as is.

Wow, that was one hell of a tangent - ok, start again. I went to the doctor, and told them to run some tests (take blood). See, telling someone you want it done and actually GETTING it done are two separate things entirely. Yeah, when the doctor came in (after the nurse had done all the temperatures and pressures and such), I started crying like a baby. Then, the nurse came BACK in and said "Oh my god, is she crying?" I cried out a pitiful "yes.".

Getting bloodwork done sucks. It's not that it hurts so much (although my tears were of sheer terror - I've had some really bad experiences with nurses and needles...) I think the worst part is actually being fully aware of that vein for the rest of the day. I'm squeemish about these sorts of things so all day long my skin has been crawling and I've been weirded out...

And, thank sweet god for insurance. Total cost of doctor visit and 3 prescriptions: $52.00! FIFTY TWO CLAMS! WEEEE!!!
Yes, much better than this summer's bladder fiasco... that set me back about 850 dollars...

So, here I sit, feeling quite sorry for my gimped wing and not wanting to take my horse-pills. I keep saying to myself "They will make you better. They will make you better..." (Now if I could just forget the vein.)


Thursday, February 14, 2002
I would like to wish all the lurkers a Happy Valentine's Day.

(and yes, by lurkers I do mean stalkers)

I choo-choo-choose you.


Oh, to distract myself from the ick of the day, I did this:


In the true spirit of Valentine's Day, I plan to spend the day being bitter and cranky.

Also, today I have to see the New Boy again. He is in my class *grrr*. I told myself if he went 2 weeks without being interested enough to contact me on his own, then I would be done with him. Technically 2 weeks ends at about 8:30 tomorrow morning, so if he doesn't call tonight, that's it.

I think that's fair... So, if he doesn't call (which I'm sure he wont), then I think I may ask out the SuperHottie that I can't stop thinking about. Trust me, this one is so tasty it hurts.


Wednesday, February 13, 2002
Today I heard the word "generally" as "General Lee".


Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Here's what happens when you leave me alone with Acme Heartmaker [via bazima]


Heh. Wow... Look at these three horoscopes [from Astronet]

February 11

You've been just dying to attract that sexy stranger lately, haven't you? Go on, admit it and do something about it. This is your time to impress. If you're part of a couple, have you given your sweetie enough hugs lately?

(note that I was *this* close to asking out the hottie at school that I have had my eye on for at least a year... I decided yesterday that it was now or never. Yeah, I wussed out again.)

February 12

It's time to dazzle everyone with your brilliant intellect, Sagittarius. You can talk all you want. That adorable coworker would love to listen to you all night long.

(Note to self: do not date co-workers. Note to self: but he's great... ugh.)

February 13

A casual affair fades away instead of turning into the real thing. Your dream is still out there, waiting for you to catch it and wrestle it down. Physical love has a spiritual side to it. Once you share with someone, it's hard to close the connection.

(Jesus... now THAT's dead on. This whole distance with the new boy is because of sex, I think... He did the ol' I won't call after we "do it" routine, yet he responds when I contact him, and he is terrible at the "blow-off"... man. This one is too creepy. I can't wait to see what Valentine's Day looks like...)


Valentine's Day used to mean a lot of schmoopy love to me. Only once in my entire 26 years, have I had a boyfriend during Valentine's day. Unfortunately, I shall share the blame with this fella as to why Valentine's Day has lost its schmoop.

Being that this particular fella is some time in the past, I will try to not take too long in the story...

This was the first time I had been in love. This boy (let's call him Joey - that has relevance if you know a certain story about him...) Anyway, "Joey" and I started dating after his mother set us up. I worked with her, and she was a wonderful woman, so how bad could her son be? For the first month and a half, it was incredible. After that, a rapid decline into yelling fights and Angie walking home at 5 am. Fast-forward to Valentine's Day. Joey for some time had been promising me that he wanted to do something nice on V-Day. So, the day arrived and no mention of it whatsoever. Nothing. He wasn't playing dumb for a surprise, he had completely forgotten... During a phone call I proceeded to get a wee bit upset and told him that I had cancelled all other plans because he had wanted to do something, to which he replied that he was going to go out with the boys. After a bit of an arguement again, I hung up on him and started to get ready for work. About an hour later, after I was well cried-out and quite irritated, the buzzer rang. I went out and he had a dozen roses, a silk flower arrangement, balloons a CD... you name it. Yes, it was a nice thought, but too little too late. I am not a girl who needs gifts, and then to bring them AFTER a fight is like trying to buy me off. I have a father who does that, I don't need a boyfriend who does that too...

I guess I wasn't so much mad that he and I weren't doing anything, as I was that he and I were so sickeningly in love, and he forgot the biggest Hallmark(tm) holiday of the year... Now everytime V-Day rolls around, I feel a slight bit of heart-warming, but generally that's just indigestion...

This year is no different. I think that some couples are far too cute for their own good, but the recent distance between I and the new boy doesn't make me feel very festive. We shall see.


Saturday, February 09, 2002
I took out Manny's bits (and Manny for the time being) as I am too busy to use him right now.

These e-Layoffs save noone.


Sometimes I am a bit dramatic.


Ben Folds is coming to Scottsdale!

Yeah, and I don't know anyone out here who likes him. AND TicketBastard wants to charge me the 20 per ticket, 6 dollar "convenience fee" and THEN a 3.50 handling fee. Um, no.

You know though, I really want to go to this concert. Alison has mentioned how good of a show it is, and Ben just seems like a really fun show...

Anyone in Phoenix want to go?


Yeah, I think I screwed the whole thing up.

That email was a bit harsh, especially when the boy and I had only hung out a couple times. Granted, it was an ego bruise (partially self-made) and frankly I don't want to be in another "one of those things" where the boy never calls. Yes, I know men are terrible about calling and yes, I am aware how completely retarded this makes me sound.

You. Boy. If you read this... I don't want a "relationship" right now. After the way I ended up feeling after the last one, the last thing I want to do is allow myself to be that vulnerable again. However, I like you. Nothing fancy, just find you pretty interesting and fun and familiar. Sorry I got kinda weird and bitchy, but sometimes I do that because I can get really worked up when I feel like I need to be defensive. Yes, boy, I am very sorry, and I wish we could hang out again and watch M.A.S.H. and bike videos and lie in bed making silly jokes... but I seem to have gone too far.


Yeah, its gotten really weird. Not good, bad-weird. Dammit. This one had promise too...

[added: he just emailed me back about an invitation for he and his roommate to go see a movie on me tomorrow (I had made this offer when over there one evening, and then sent an email a couple days ago saying Saturday would be good for me.). Note that he gave me the written equivilant of the frat boy hug - you know, the one with the back slapping. Gah, that CANT be good.]


Wednesday, February 06, 2002
Two things of note:

1. That post-it from the previous entry was actually left on one of the returned movies at work. In my cleverness, I failed to explain what the hell it is... heh. So much clever, so little mind.

2. He called. Very sick and working way too hard... Apparantly either my bitchy email sent him to know that I was not happy, or he just wanted to say hello. Apparantly now I'm the asshole.


Tuesday, February 05, 2002
Yes, I know.

I've been bad...

So much to say and barely around to say it... so, here goes the update as best as I can:

The Boy

The boy. Damn him, damn him, damn him. You know, I was really starting to accept the fact that I may like him. After the ex, I didn't think I would be able to even begin to feel that way for a very long time. What happened, you ask? Last week, Thursday night, I drove my little Honda up there for a night of Nintendo 64, among other things. The night, as a whole, went pretty well. He and I are way too similar in many ways, and this makes us both relatively more comfortable with each other. Let me say this - I have never been kissed as passionately by another human being in my life, so you'd think that this one would stick, no? Well, Friday morning, I had to leave to go to work. And surprise, surprise... I don't hear from him again. This pattern with men has grown far too familiar. I am not mad at him, because for a lot of reasons which I won't disclose I don't think I was necessarily played... however - thank God that I had only invested a week on him. The only thing I really lost was the hope that this guy could turn out really well...


Cost of Mariah Carey's new movie? Millions.
Public reaction? Priceless.

speaking of the movieplace

My review went excellent. Scored quite well. Apparantly I get another raise in a paycheck or two.

She Ages

It is Sarah's birthday today. I've always wanted to "raise the roof" in honor of someone's birthday, but today is not that day.

speaking of birthdays

My new niece, Sydney Leigh, is quite the beautiful little girl.

That's about all right now. It is quite a lot when you are wrapped up in it... Who knows. I'm alive, and relatively well... albiet just a bit bummed that the men I attract all are of the "non-calling" persuasion.