Saturday, July 23, 2005
- [I hate censoring myself, but jesus, when did I get so whiny?? I mean, I'm turning into that one person who annoys the living shit out of people because she won't stop bitching. No way, Jose. Next time I'll catch it before I even hit "publish".]
- Tornados today about 10-15 minutes away. Just missed us, really. We had sirens and weird sky and the sideways rain... Don't get that tornado shit in Phoenix.
- Using the word "fucking" in an email to our boss. Nice work.
- Curious as to how some things in the near future will pan out. Lots going on. L.O.T.S.
- My sis is selling me the Taurus. I haven't ridden a Taurus in quite awhile. heh
- You had better be ready. You are so getting the "frat boy woo", the "rock horns" and the "take your pants off" cheers when I see you. Well, ok, maybe I won't yell for you to take the pants off, but I'll be thinking it. HAH! (I'm just being sassy.)
- I have "Sweet Child of Mine" in my head. No, it's not common for GNR songs to run rampant in my melon, but I think today is just one of those days.
- I'm giddy beyond belief. I blame the butterflies.
Damn, baby. Just, damn
Well, that mojo ya'll sent out has brought me about 2 halves of 3.
Great mood. G-r-e-a-t mood.
I think the sleeping in and the fancy-pants pancakes really helped too. :)
I'm totally looking forward to the next 2 weeks: the Purvis-Dufek
merger, the Benjamin
touring, and the Danica
rocking out Chi-town. Lotta roadtrippin' for this girl.
I. can't. wait.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Jonesin' for JuJu
First off, happy belated birthday to all ya'll who had birthdays in the past few days. I'm feeling lazy right now, or else I would link all yer asses.
Secondly, I need all of you with spare juju to send some my way in the hopes of a car, apartment, and job in the next week. Yes, I'm busting my ace to do all three. Unfortunately, my juju is spent.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
You know, I was going to write something cute about how my 4 year old nephew rocks at Tony Hawk ProSkater 2, but now I'm just about pissed enough to not even care.
[I deleted the rest because, honestly, it's great to vent but I really don't need to be homeless right now. For the record, that's a huge load of crap though.]
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Eye Spy (Outta one eye)
Something is wrong with my eye, but I don't know what. For over an hour it has felt like I have something in it, but I cant see it or get it out.
Seeing is weird when you have no depth perception. I'm about to walk to the kitchen. Let's hope I don't fall down the stairs. hhehh
Well, the eye has gone from half-swollen shut, to almost fully shut, back to half shut again.
It's really red, watering to the point of running down my face (constantly) and hurts like a bitch.
I know, I know, pinkeye, right? I've had it a bazillion times, so I know what it's like. Ok, two things:
1. There's no itching, at all. Like, none.
2. Crazy tearing, but no gravy. At all.
Let me tell you - I look HAWT right now. Oooh yah drippy eye.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Here comes the sun
I can hear the rain tapping on the window. The tap-tap-tapping mimics the sound of my fingers on the keys, only softer. Reflection is in my eyes, not the relection of the sole light in the room, but reflection of life and things like it. Yet another wrote me back today, and as I scroll down to read the rest, I feel as if I am surrounded by old friends, and not sitting alone in my room.
Reconnecting. Sometimes it's lot harder than just hitting "send".
I tend to avoid potential failures, so I usually pour my heart out and then click the little X in the corner. My best self, my best words, my best sorries have all been lost to the fear of being rejected by those I let fall away.
No more. I am getting too old for that shit.
Every other day (every other day), every other day of the week is fiiiiiiine, yeah.
I've been told there will be karaoke.
I don't "do" karaoke unless I'm really drunk and with my best friend Sarah. I mean REALLY drunk.
[Note to readers: this is a wedding, Sarah will be there, and there's a good chance I'll be so drunk I won't be able to see.]
Looks like my ass is "doing" the karaoke.
Sweet god. This could get reaaaaaaaally bad. Thankfully I've got just over two weeks to brush on my Mr. Roboto.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Today is about the truth
Today, for the first time in awhile, I actually miss being in love. I miss being able to be so completely open and honest and loyal and caring and GIVING to one person who makes my heart stop in my chest every time I meet his eyes.
I miss the hand-holding and the forehead kisses and the butterflies - oh god the butterflies.
I don't miss being loved as much as I miss loving. That was never the problem - I usually love more than I am loved, and I know what it feels like when what love you've been getting is no longer there...
I miss the inside jokes and the winks and the just knowing
Thankfully, I don't think I've ever experienced this the way all the way to its potential, although I may have been close once or twice. Not sure if I'm wanting that intensity right now- as it's usually too consuming. Who knows, though. It may sneak up on me again.
Not a sad day, by any means. Just an honest one.
Busy little bee
I've got some backend stuff that needs to be worked on, and obviously my sidebar is all old and shit, so expect that in the next few days. I honestly just don't feel like doing it tonight.
Oh, and while I'm at it...
Hey Cate - still want that header?
Sunday, July 10, 2005
So I can't stop smiling. Honestly I don't know why. It's not like I have this movie star lifestyle or anything.
But god. Just being happy is enough.
Honestly, I'm pretty goddamn happy. And that's all I ever need.
Because there is more to say
A few things, because I am trying to woo you, internet.
- Car shopping (light), apartment shopping (moderate) and job shopping (heavy) are actually a lot of fun. New beginnings really can be a great time to "reinvent".
- There looks to be a road trip in my near future. I may have to do it alone, but if I can make it from Phoenix alone, just out there isn't bad at all. In fact, I'm totally looking forward to it. Even for a day, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity for the world.
- My grandmother has been sick for awhile. Things are not so good. She's got a great brain, just her lungs seem to be on a different page. Hopefully this will stop taking the roads into the woods and go somewhere nicer, or at least stable for a bit.
- Good lord, is EVERYONE married and baby-fied? I'm really content to not be there yet, but still... I never thought I'd be the last one to take the plunge. Sheeeeeeesh. Oh, and yeah, I'm reconsidering the plunge. I mean, it can't be that bad, right? Waking up next to the same person from now until infinity doesn't scare me. What does is the fact that they will make me feel like I don't want to wake up at all. I've been down that road too many times. One of these days, it's not going to be like that. I'm a pretty damn nice girl, and generous as hell. Look. Out.
- As much as I miss the city, this small town thing isn't as awful as I remember. Granted, I need a city something fierce, but I can see why people do decide to stay here. Who knows, right?
- I'm getting so goddamn domestic, it's sick. Really - I need an apartment like yesterday, because if I don't get to bake and garden and paint and shit sometime soon, I may just need to find a good stiff jacket with lots of buckles.
- Did I mention all of the painting? This year I'm getting my hand's on art back, and I CANT. WAIT. Digital art is a lot of fun, but I miss having to wash my hair and my face and my floor because I had an epiphany and my inspiration had to find a home. (Yes, it gets that intense.)
- I'm reading again, and it's bliss. I haven't gotten to unwind enough to really read in years, so this is really something fantastic.
- No hold over me whatsoever anymore. None. Nada. Zip. Apartment shit? Totally over it. Remind me not to trust blindly anymore.
- I have been smiling and laughing and just living lately, and it's a great way to be. I've been feeling things that I haven't felt in awhile, and I swear to god, I will never go back to that "old me" again.
- I'm finally going to call and email and write all you peeps more, because goddamn I miss you so much. I do have IM, so email my sorry ass if you aren't on my list. Even if it is just for a hello, I would love the honor. I'll also be contacting a few of you for your stats too, as I'm updating my addy book (both online and off). Mail is fun. Get used to it.
Ok, that's enough. I don't want to make you finish too soon, internet. We need to take this slow. Baseball baby, think about baseball.
Dear Internet (again)-
I'm such a bad friend.
I've abandoned you when you and I were just getting re-acquainted. I pulled the equivelant of inviting an ex to dinner, having really "meaningful" (read: dirty, monkey) sex and then I left a five-spot on the dresser and never called back.
I've been doing the same thing to my friends out here too, so it isn't just you.
In fact, it isn't you at all.. it's me. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is attentive and who listens and who drops by with vanilla bean ice cream and tulips from time to time just because she can.
I used to be that friend to you, internet. I could be again if you let me.
And I promise - if you let me do that one thing with the trapeze and the scotch tape again, I'll not only leave a $20, but I'll make you breakfast in bed.
Cross my heart.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Dear internet -
I love the fact that I can spill cat food (the dry kibble) all over by my closet when the container dumps, and proceed to LEAVE IT THERE FOR AN ENTIRE AFTERNOON and then all of a sudden The Roo discovers it and makes the mess a little smaller.
I'm totally not cleaning it up as I really don't have any free time left today, and I'll just rationalize the mess by calling it a "Self Serve Snack Bar".
This makes up for the butt-dragging completely.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
You know, this site has become less of the "daily business" and more of the "trying to catch up with all of you and trying to remember and document everything that has happened business".
I want to stay more on top of it. Really.
It's tough though, when you share a dial-up connection on the home's main phone line. When your time online consists of work, work, and more work. When two of the coolest and most wonderful nephews are in the house, loving you, wanting to play in the pool or read a book, and you cave. When you go to bed at night, the 4 year old snoring in the bed next to you, and even though he could sleep through a 21 gun salute you fear the sound of your fingers on the keys would wake him...
So yeah, I've been busy.
Fandamntastic, but busy.
- I wonder how Cate is, and if her Phoenix house issues are over.
- I'm terribly hooked on Ben's music, and the fact that he's such a damn cool guy.
- I miss talking to Giselle, and hope the Man isn't keeping her down.
- I'm thinking that Helen Jane must be having some fantastic par-tay this weekend, complete with great food and incredible wine. Martha ain't got nuthin' on her.
Also - what is up with the girl cat of the house constantly licking her hoo-ha (seriously - every time I see her that leg is in the air), and now The Roo will NOT leave his pooper alone? So much, in fact, that when he isn't licking where he was sitting, "cleaning" it, and constantly trying to look at it, he's actually DRAGGING HIS ASS ON THE CARPET.
Gross dude, gross.