Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Not the first time, nor the last

Things have hit a really bad spot with us. Last night there were a lot of tears (mine), a lot of confusion (his) and a ton of worry (ours). This could go either way in the near future, and I may need some time to myself for awhile.

Sorry I've been so MIA. Sorry I've put you on the backburner, internet. Most of all, sorry I haven't been there for a lot of you.

I may need your support again soon. I have a bad feeling about this.


Saturday, December 24, 2005
Pining for the mistletoe

It's conversations like the one I had on the phone with him tonight that make me realize that not only do I want him around for every Christmas from here to forever, but that we're going to be just fine. Actually, probably much better than that.

Merry Christmas, ya'll. I really mean it this time.


So far, so... well... stagnant

Dear internet:

This love thing is awesome. I mean, I resisted being in love with everything I had, but it's surprised me.

And, well, disappointed me.

Let's just say that while I fell for one of the most wonderful people in the entire world, once the fairytale ends, I'm less likely to stop resisting.

Is this the person that I thought he was? Yep.
Do I honestly believe that it'll always be him and me, me and him? Probably.
Is it exactly what I thought it would be? Not quite.
Is it worth it? So far, no regrets.
Do I love him? More than I could ever explain. I firmly believe that the feeling is mutual, whicch is completely new territory to me.
Scared? Fuck yes.

Hopefully I (we) can figure out these little things that keep throwing up a wall between us, and I can stop getting angry while watching Sex and the City because it's reminding me that the fairy tale has shifted into the more familiar territory.

Yep - so far, I've received SATC Season 3, and a Neil Diamond concert t-shirt. Oh yeah, and a sexy little pink jammie set that displays one of my biggest assets - the cleave. My 30s are already showing, so thank god I'm going to rock the shit outta it.

Merry Christmas, ya'll. I'll be back around these parts more often in the near future, I swear.



Friday, December 16, 2005
The Chuck giveth, and He taketh away

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and c ould turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.


Friday, December 09, 2005
Problem solved

Thank god.

So anyway, the tree thing went marvelous. Seriously.

I haven't had a drama free tree in YEARS. He hasn't either.

AND, it turned out looking like a department store tree. (All 11 feet of it!)

AND, we are more mushy now than ever.

AND... we've not only figured out about the time frame for me moving down there, but we've also established that it will be very, very good.



Thursday, December 08, 2005
Well, shit.

Things with the tree turned out beautifully, but now there's much more pressing trouble.

I need someone who either works for Nextel/Sprint and can do me the hugest of huge favors, or to find a nice benificiary.

Turns out the Boy's cell plan does not include long distance, unbeknownst to either of us, and now he is, essentially, fucked.

Yeah, so if anyone out there has the authority to perhaps work a deal for two people who had absolutely no idea about a lack of long distance, that would be great.



Friday, December 02, 2005
Rain + My Parade

You know I love you. I really, really do.


I was unable to get to the Christmas tidings and good cheer as I had promised, so I ran around half the day (when I was supposed to be working) finding suitable replacements on a pauper's budget. I even got us Santa hats - as a gift to you for making me feel so wonderful lately.

I know, you don't know you do these things that make me feel bad sometimes. I don't blame you directly. You'd never do anything like that on purpose, I know that about you.

But 'suggesting' to me to take it all back because I shouldn't have spent the money when I had SO MUCH DAMN FUN creating this almost surprise for you, and then running out and getting your own stuff because "it's your thing" anyway, well that just really took the fun outta Christmas for me right there.

I guess I wanted a happy surprise on this our first of Christmases. I knew that the things may not have been your taste but I bought them even though we are so, so poor. I shopped thrifty and with a lot of good spirits, and I did it all thinking about how we'd be all wide-eyed and excited that we managed to pull it off with so little money.

I know you didn't mean to make me feel bad. I know you didn't mean to make Christmas really not something to get giddy about this year anymore. But yeah - taking it all back. Everything I can take back, anyway. And, as much as I was totally looking forward to seeing you tomorrow (as we weren't really going to be able to until after the 16th), there's now a part of me that just doesn't want to go down there and feign excitement.

I'm not mad at you, just a bit hurt. Forgive me tomorrow if I'm not myself.


So I just spoke with you on the phone, and it seems my "woe is me" has mostly passed. I guess my feelings of hurt were a bit of disappointment at the underwhelming need for me to do anything for us for Christmas decorating. Yes, I will still be there to help and sure, I'll put up what you bought. Not mad, whatsoever. Less hurt now too, I guess.

Tomorrow will be fine. And I may just bring the Santa hats.