FYI - it's really weird when you've wiped someone from your brain and then you walk into someplace and BAM. Right into them. I swear to god if I'd had my head down or been messing with anything we would've slammed into each other.
Which, in my head, is EXACTLY how the horrifying reunion would begin.
Honestly, odds are it wasn't even him. It was just some guy that looked, carried himself, and fiddled around exactly like him. I know that sounds weird, but I have a very photographic memory and I remember things like movements and sounds. If that wasn't him, that's my second bizarro encounter in two days.
It didn't stir up any pangs of want, but the whole blur of the evening in which I behaved rather unlike myself in some senses came flooding back. The walk of shame was revisited right there in the store. I left in a large hurry because THERES some small talk I really would like to avoid.
But yeah - he never lifted his head (unless it was after I had passed). Crisis totally averted.
In my search for cool boys to hang out with, I stumbled across someone who reminded me of an ex. You know the ex - the one who is all up in the archives from about 2002 to 2004. The one who was a great guy but we just couldn't make it work. The one I had the really tough breakup with, and the one that in my mental archives is the only guy I ever honestly loved (even though I say it like people say 'bless you').
This someone I stumbled across? Looks a lot like him, has interests (and from what I can tell of the personallity) match his exactly, and really seems to be a near clone of the ex. Really, the ex was a good guy, so there's nothing wrong with this new doppleganger. However, I know the downsides to this personality type - this hyper-creative, super-moody mentality and while it worked for me in 2002, it would most definately be a problem now.
So yeah, dude. You seem nice and all and there's probably a 26-year old out there dying to meet you. It just really isn't me.
You know, with the exception of Monday and Tuesday (which I was too sore to go out), I've run every day for a whole week. That's 5 days, ya'll. The past two have been lighter (fighting off an overextended hamstring), but today's I pushed and pushed and probably got close to a couple miles.
For the record - I'm not running the full thing. I'd fall down. I'm over 50% running now, which is awesome. I was doing a block on-block off, but I try to get at least 2-1 now. In fact, today I got through 6 right out of the gates, walked across the street, and got about another 1-2 in before I nearly buckled.
Sure, it sounds fairly wimpy, but you have to understand. I didn't have an exercise routine before this. It was volleyball one night a week and that's just in the seasons we played.
So yeah - I'll be talking about this a lot. I absolutely love it. I can't wait to go out again tomorrow. Look at this internet - I found an even higher level of happy.
What I'm about to say won't surprise a lot of you, well, it won't surprise you as much as it surprises me. I have a certain attitude with men. I'm like a plum, really. I'm soft and squishy on the outside, but if they push too had, too fast, or bite with too much force, they'll find that the inside tends to fight back.
Here's the part that's hard to admit, but I think I need to say this to get it out there and deal.
I am a fan of sweeping romantic gestures.
Oh, god. That sound you heard was me choking back the bile.
Don't misread that. I don't like them all the time. I've had them misused and misrepresented. Those sorts, or any sorts that fall frequently and expectedly can go the hell home.
The ones I like are the ones I don't ever get. The ones I like are the ones done to prove to me that my outsides don't need to be broken to show me how much I've effected you. The ones I like are the ones that aren't used as an afterthought, but as a foreshadow.
You, gestures, are the reason I tend to expect too much. You are something that I do blindly, with little thought because I realize the importance and the meaning. You, gestures, are the one thing that I can't seem to shake when I don't get that in return. It doesn't even have to be an undertaking, just a simple thing with a lot of intention.
Unfortunately, I know myself well enough to know that once the unattainable gratitude finds me, I may not want it anymore.
To the person who got here searching for "weinermobile schedule", you have no idea what you've done. If you are a girl, we're going to go have drinks and be BFFs. If you're a dude, prepare for some open mouth kissing.
Because, seriously, you've completely unlocked Pandora's box, but instead of the evils of mankind you've released my undying love.
That's right kids. I'm running again. I didn't just run, I haven't just ran... I'm RUNNING.
I did between 2 and 3 miles today, and although I can feel a little soreness creeping up, it's the most incredible thing I've done to and for myself in ages (with the exception of the boy on girl action a couple weeks ago). I have enjoyed running since I started doing it sometime in the early 2000s, but with the weather in Phoenix and the unbelieveable ability to not get off my ass, it just never came back.
Well, it has.
There's a half marathon in about a month, and I've got a new running buddy (a married gal, so no luck there), but things are really, really good. My head is clearer when I'm running than it's ever been, so my brains are at their peak, non-drama state.
I really love this new me, and I'm really excited to see how things progress.
1. I cannot recall the last time I repeatedly used the word "douchebag" to describe a certain 3 or 4 people (ANY 3 or 4 people) in my life. The unfortunate part - it's totally true. They are really the top dogs in the douchebag community.
2. I'm laughing so hard there are actual tears. I love that.
3. I've referred to myself as a "cougar" a good 5 times today as well. Really, that's not something I'm ashamed of in the least. There's a huge difference between cougar and cradle robber.
I just realized I have maybe 2 single girl friends. Everyone else is either paired off or married. I'm totally taking applications for a chick posse if anyone's in the Milwaukee area. The more, the merrier.
Plus, today I get to wear jeans to work, I've just made coffee, and the only downside to today is that I have to take photos for the blood drive. Other than that, here's to a fantastic start to the weekend.
You know, I read back through the archives and it's a lot of the same. Bitch, moan, stupid boy this, damn boy that, moan, bitch etc. I know the common factor in my dating life is, well, me, and that many of my issues are directly related to overblown expectations and extreme incompatibility. It stands to reason, then, that I've learned from my mistakes.
I have, internet. I really have. I try to date different sorts, do different things, and frankly surprise (and sometimes shock and horrify) myself in the process. I have few, if any, regrets. Things as of late have been taking an upswing - I'm dating a lot more now than I have in a while. That said, for some reason, these guys seem to think that I'm jumping in with both feet. Um, hway? I mean, I think they get the "she's got relationship on the brain" and flee. Not. even. a. little. I can say with complete honesty and confidence that while relationships can be nice, I'm more interested in the company, not the status.
We've had one date, and you still want to see other people? Perfect! Me too!
You want to do some things involving bases without me getting all schmoopy? Fantastic!
You think I'm great and would like to see me again, but not ready to move in yet? Sweet!
I mean, REALLY. Do I have to actually defend myself with these boys when they tell me they aren't looking for something serious just yet, but that they don't know how this will turn out? Not on your life! But I DO. I defend my stance and repeat myself every. last. time. What is it about me that makes men think I'm latching on with both claws and never letting go? I really have no interest in being a girlfriend just yet - I've been there many times and many times became the "ex-girlfriend". I need to date around, and work up to the exclusivity and the girlfriend thing. Granted, if I met someone who was looking for a relationship out of the gates, he'd need to slow down and let me catch up. I'll get there, but I'm really enjoying the right here more.
I've been dating on and off for awhile (thank you, internet), but there's one guy I actually met while I was out with some friends. He's nice enough, not really my type, but I give most a fair shake. But see, we've both been busy or unavailable in spots since I met him (a month ago) and so it's been emails here and there and him calling me when I haven't been able to answer the phone. I've been a peach, although a little aloof, and we've been trying to figure out when to get together.
Near the end of last week he started getting progressively too. much. I mean, we're not even dating and he's contacting me every day or two and saying things that are a little odd. This morning I decided enough is enough and I politely (SOOOO politely) break it off with him via email (it was far too early to call). I think this is fair since I did say we'd try to go out (before he got the crazies) and I've been fairly responsive to his contact.
Here's the rub: on the way home I missed his call (rush hour) and he left a voicemail message.
I mean, really. I had to break up with you (we aren't dating!!) and you won't let the horse die? Guess I DO make a few good decisions now and then.
Gotta plant something outside. My poor patio looks too bare for my taste.
Finally start up something in that attic. Sheesh.
I've got evening running buddies, but the mornings are calling. And, I may head down my old route - east side along the lake to either brady street or downtown, depending on how good I feel. That was a really fun/gorgeous route, and I miss it all the time.
A couple appointments/errands I've been putting off out of sheer laziness.
Buy some clothes that fit. Even my favorite (2 month old!) jeans - the Michael Kors I wore on Friday, are now a little too big. They are less ass-tastic than they should be.
It's nearly 11:30 and I'm rolling to bed. This after having lounged around all day trying to recoup from the effects of the last two night's shenanigans. (I wasn't hungover but I'm completely apologetic if you were. I was, however, super tired and requiring a 2.5 hour nap today...)
Anyway - I've postponed sleep already this evening as the kids downstairs (1.5 y.o and a 3 y.o.) are running around, screaming, crying and pounding at a time when it is WAY past their bedtimes. I think I should rent some elephants to level the playing field.
Still though - it's been a great week, and I got to see some dear old friends and meet some new people as well. (Except you Mike - next time for sure.) Worth every yawn.